mann

soo ffekrsjthgru-ing frustrated. so gay. still frustrated over everything between people thinking im all gay and crap. arrghh. this is the first time in a long time i feel a need to cuss. cuhs its so fdkstjdrfgknt-ing ridiculous. and like. i wish i could just go like fkrdghfjdng yall and tell them to shut up. but. that wouldnt bring any honor to gods name. so i wont do it. not at all. but just letting you know how i feel when yall do that type of stuff. like. i almost cried when joseph was all talking about my "gay" moments that hes experienced.
yeah. anyways. i took a break off just now from blog. i saved it as a draft. and part of this break was reading my daily devotionals called "my time with god" anyways, that section really helped my current situation and god really spoke to me. i totally forgot in these hard times "count it all joy when you are persecuted" as it says in james 1. and then in romans 5, which i even memorized "and we also rejoice in our tribulations (sufferings) knowing that tribulation produces perseverence, perseverance->character, and character->hope. and hope doesnt disappoint b/c god has poured out his love into our hearts through the spirit whom he has given us" and, some messages that i have heard. people saying that persecutions and hard times and sufferings are all to bring glory to god and strengthen and help us grow in our christian life. and so. yeah. i kinda feel guilty for almost cussing. but. god will forgive everyhting because of his son jesus' sacrifice on the cross. and i asked for that forgiveness.
anyways. yeah. another thing that got me kinda mad was that. we have to run mile tomorrow. even though its friday. and flowers should reward perfect points. which i have. AND im an eighth grader. because the mile is supposed to be for physical fitness test. so flowers overlooks 2 things in this: 1. that its friday, perfect points=no running and 2. im an eighth grader. and so i shouldnt be taking the test in the first place. and i still firmly believe that making us run the mile tomorrow is child abuse and is the wrong thing to do. arrgh. guess ill bear with it.
and yeah. im still, you know. upset about the whole situation at school. and. i dont know what to say. i guess gods doing this to me to strengthen my walk with him. all i can say is, please. dont believe the rumors. and shivanti knows why. but she wont tell anyone. right?