jerks

lifes a pain in the butt right now.
some people are just really...annoying. and i guess, it might be my fault. but i just.i guess i wanted redemption...forgiveness so bad. that i let it happen.
and now all these people talk about all this random crap, they dont even know what the hell they're saying.
IT'S JUST A JOKE.
STOP THINKING THAT THERES EVEN ANYTHING THERE.
cuz theres not.
and ill take it once in a while; but this. this is just. not fun.
yeah, i guess it is my fault. but guys, please. if u know its a joke, dont spread it like its the truth.
and some people are just a real pain to handle. some people are just so freaking annoying. i think i really realized that today. mr. jonathan mandalia.
and i guess its just my fault for even lying in the first place. then i wouldnt have needed redemption. then i wouldnt have people staring and going like WTF. then i wouldnt have all this crap flying around.

i need a 180 turn. quick. fast. boom.
and people need to stop overreacting.

guess what? im tired.
for once in my life, im tired of looking happy, of smiling on the outside when a storms brewing on the inside. i hate having to mask everything. dont get me wrong, i love being happy. but im not happy, nor should i appear happy.
i cant wait for freshman year to end. then i can get this all overwith. i cant wait for summer either. :D

dont worry, i get 2 weeks after school, then 5 weeks away, then a month to party. :D

p to the s: you're probably wondering who this post might be directed at. i think its directed at everyone. but mostly at people who actually take it seriously. who actually think that.

DAMN. and it freaking all comes back to me again. all my fault for all these people saying all this crap.
why couldnt i just make better judgement?
im tired. i need to like. just plunge myself into like a freaking like oasis in the middle of nowhere. except emotionally, spiritually, i think. maybe that'll get me better.

and i bet, this is gonna add fuel to the fire. cuz all my rants do. and i hate that. i like how a million people read this, i hate that when i rant, then it goes WHABAM and then effs me over.
but i felt this was relevant. i felt u guys deserved to know how i feel when you say crap like that. and its really vague too, im not sure if you guys will understand. but if you dont, dont take it seriously. if you do, take it to heart. know that it kinda. burns on the inside.

AND DAMN. it keeps on comin back to me. self inflicted pain sucks.