2nd semester

new start, new beginning. not sure what to think of it.
tracks going along just fine. actually, its going a lot better than i thought it would. (:
but its sad how its one of the only things i do that i really love doing. yet....sadly im not as good as i wanna be. oh well. thats how life is.
im slowly learning to love my viola, but again, not as good as i wanna be.
learning more to hate history, liking english/writing a bit more, but again, not as good as i wanna be.
im never as good as i wanna be.
and i know one of my resolutions was to excel, but sometimes i feel like giving up. im too nonhardcore to ever push myself to train hard for track. too lazy and too undevoted to perfect my technique. too this and that and its all screwing me over.
will life ever take me anywhere?
^my biggest fear btw.
im scared that im too passive. im scared that im not strong enough. im scared that i dont have a firm enough will to defend myself.
im scared that ill lose everyone. im scared because everyone to me is so little. im scared of getting hurt.
im scared that im not good enough. im scared for my life.
im scared. im a scaredycat. call the wambulance.

so nows the time to change right? nows the time to step up the game.
jean valjean's story is kinda inspiring. how he sees all his failures and his life just makes a huge 180 turn from there. lets pull a jean valjean, andrew. and lets let that little epiphany of failure be now. lets go.