comps

theres always a certain frustration that i get whenever its comp time. ive mentioned this before, but it keeps getting worse and worse; or at least, i perceive the situation to be getting worse and worse, when really its always been the same. but it seems every time comps come around, i slack off more and more. my reasoning is that i studied too diligently for comps back in 8th/9th grade and im sick of it.
but anyway, its starting to get really frustrating. because i see everyone around me freaking out, and im just sitting here, chilling, with free time to spare so as to post on my blog, which i havent had time to go on in ages. (or i have, but i've chosen not to because i wanted to go to sleep early =0)
but im a slacker. and i guess thats whats frustrating me so much.
theres a certain irony in that, simply because im saying im a slacker and saying how frustrated i am by it, and yet im not doing anything whatsoever about it; here i am typing up another blog post. so why am i not studying? again, its just because im that much of a slacker, and i seem to be getting adhd, which is strictly limited to when i try to sit down and study. its not working for me. and so the vicious cycle of irony goes on, because i acknowledge my sloth and yet i do nothing about it and when i try to i cant and then i acknowledge again and i fail to study again and so on and so forth.

also, ive had so much spare time that i bothered to look at my first few blog posts, which are dated back to 8th grade.
and i realized how disgusted i am with who im becoming, and i guess who we're all becoming as we're growing up. i think we can all agree that underclassmen (7th and 8th graders) are pretty darn immature. yet im looking back at my blog posts, and some of the videos i posted, and i realized that i looked a helluva lot like those 7th and 8th graders that i kindasorta look down upon (*yet am not fully capable of doing simply because of physical limitations....if you get my drift)
so im pretty much disgusted because ive gotten so judgmental. and ive drifted away from that stage of immaturity, which is pretty much linked to childhood. i guess im disgusted because we're all growing up, and as we do so, we get meaner and less friendly and accepting. remember preschool and kindergarten? friends were made here and there....elementary school was pretty cool, too, although bullies started showing up right around then. then comes junior high, and all of a sudden theres cliques here and there and everyones in a mad frenzy to try and fit in. and all of a sudden, here we are now, more judgmental than ever.
and nobody is going to give me that BS about them being nonjudgmental and perfectly tolerant. face it, we're human, and sadly, thats just how we're wired. people have a natural tendency to judge and discriminate; theres always going to be a remnant of discrimination against blacks, gays, asians, muslims, jews, whatever....its never going to go away.
but what im trying to say is, i miss being a kid. i miss being naive, and i really miss that feeling of loving school because everyone was my friend and because i fitted in so well.
pretty much everyone gets picked on nowadays. it sucks.
and maybe this is all just a phase, all this is just a result of our raging hormones trying to rewire our bodies, and so, like growing pains, people start to call names and judge. and ive been exposed to the corporate world recently, and i guess i looks better. everyones pretty friendly there. but its still not the same, you know? everyones friendly, but at the same time, everythings boring, because work is work. there's nothing social about it. it's sad. kindergarten/preschool/elementary school are the only years where people can be immersed in a social and friendly environment day in and day out. high school, everythings social, but theres no real friendliness (or its not complete). at work, theres friendliness, but nothing really social to it (unless if you're not working in a cubicle and stuff....but then again, friendliness isnt exactly a given either....lots of people in the workforce are jerks, too).but then again, the only time when social-ness and friendliness exist is pretty much when we're naive. and so it makes you wonder, in a world where work was a mix of social and friendly alll the time, does that mean that people would never mature, and people would remain naive?
so is innocence meant to be broken? and does maturity mean becoming a jerk/losing your soul/life? just some food for thought....for me at least. if it was for you, that's pretty cool, too.